GET OUUUTTT!!!! I SAID THIS IS A WORK IN PROGRESS-UH!!!!!!!
TRIGGER WARNING: Hot gay sex between Harry Potter characters, awfully written fanfiction, strange and creepy kinks, mentions of incest and paedophilia, mockery.
So earlier today I remembered about the wonderful literature works of the magneficent Perla Shumajer. I read through some of her awful fanfiction and, after being in the thin line between life and death, I decided that more English speakers deserve to know about her.
Shumajer. In the early Internet forums, circa 2005, Perla Shumajer (not Schumacher, don’t get them mixed up) made her debut in Paraíso Fanfiction, writing pieces of fine literature such as “Mario Bros marries into marriage obligatorily Princess Cantalina Galvis”, or, my favorite, “A boy that falls in love with his professor of potions and his professor of potions falls in love with him, they like, love and adore each other so much, they become a couple and marry into marriage and they are husbands” (YES, THAT IS THE FULL TITLE).
As you may have noticed by now, this girl —she allegedly was eighteen, but NOBODY is gonna believe that— is a pretty strong figure regarding “badfics” (bad fanfiction) in Spanish. If you’re curious, her bio on whatever page she had an account on (possibly Paraíso FF) said something like this (pretty summed up, because it’s like thirty-something lines):
“I am 18 because I was born in 1988, my name is Pamela Muñoz Muñoz gonzales pardo sarmiento but my pseudonym which I came up with is Perla Shumajer, I have a boyfriend who is 22, and here is a vague yet still confusing description of the kind of man I do not want on a relationship. Also I’m a homophobe.”
Keep the homophobia in mind. More on that later.